Un-standard English

Even though there is no official institution that regulates the usage of English (unlike other languages, such as Japanese), there is still a widespread and prevailing belief that there is some uniform, unchanging ‘standard English.’ An all purpose form that can (and should some would argue) be used to effect under any circumstance and in any geographic location. This is the variety codified in dictionaries, grammar books, and usage manuals. Furthermore, this idea of an unchanging, uniform standard often leads to the belief that one form of a grammatical feature is correct, but this just simply is not the case. One of the beauties and social necessities of language is that it is flexible. Nonetheless, attempt to explain this to the local non-native English teacher whilst abroad, and just see how far you get.

I am often approached by the Thai English professors at my place of work (and usually while I’m in the middle of something at least I deem to be important) about some completely obscure grammatical feature, such as advanced model usage, and which of two highly similar choices is correct. Of course, I am then expected to deliver an immediate unambiguous response, thus clarifying all prior confusion for the teacher. Then I lay this crap on them above because it is the cold-truth about language usage in the real world, and the vexed professor then leaves my desk in a state of ire and even higher confusion, probably secretly cursing the useless, overpaid foreigner on staff. The funny thing too, is that these inquiries will often relate to correct answers for a test the local teacher will give. It is at this point when I want to exclaim, “Now, if you the English teacher, had to consult me about which is supposedly the correct modal to use in this artificial situation you’ve just conjured up, and you are thus unsure, then how in the hell can you justify testing and thus potentially marking you students down over the same feature?” It is times like these when I really need a coffee break.